Best.Beer.Run.EVER.

Hey you guys and gals....ok...so...I know it's been a while...I just got out of the jungles of Guatamala and Western Belize...and I am now back in Caye Caulker. I will be home in a few days. I really miss everyone...and have a lot of pics and stories that are killing me that I have nobody to tell.
OK.....so....check THIS out...I respect those who have done some legendary "Beer Runs" in their day....I know I have...or THOUGHT I had...until now...you know, like through rain, sleet and snow...maybe to another county or two....well....YOU GOT NUTHIN ON ME!!! When was the last time you paddled upstream in a canoe through crocodile infested waters to raid a luxury resort of their beer and cigarettes...and ice???? Well...picture this friends...you're sitting...drinking martinis and coffee drinks an a posh bar high above the jungle canopy...hardwood and wicker furniture.....the sounds of the jungle wildlife drifting through...and...suddenly...6 dark, filthy, grizzled men in camoflague fatigues armed with shotguns and machetes walk up from out of the darkness...they throw down an empty cooler and just say..."fill it up". Yeah....it was FRICKIN' AWESOME!!! I felt like I was in "Apocalypse Now". I was just loving the horrified faces on the guests...and waiting for them to start throwing their wallets and jewlery onto the floor. We actually DID pay the poor girl...but at a drastic discount....and paddled back to camp with the bounty of beer. I am putting that in my Top 10 of FRIGGIN' AWESOME stuff I have done...just below cutting the umbilical cord on Christopher when he was born...
So...Yesterday we got back out to the Cayes...and I FINALLY got a bed that is comfortable...and everyone had to pound on my door this morning to drag me out for our snorkle trip out to the reef. I could've slept all day.
Lots of sharks today. Big ones. Our boat captain grabbed a 6 foot nurse shark by the tail and it gave him such a beating that he let go. He ended up grabbing monster stingrays and holding them up for everyone to gawk at. Long day in the sun again. I an turning Latin American. And turning into a giant mosquito bite at the same time!
Apparently some Bull Sharks have come into the reef...I saw the jaw of one 6 footer drying in the sun this morning....big teeth....yikes. They say it is rare that they come around here. They are VERY aggressive and deadly. We just saw Nurse Sharks today....but some big Barracuda and one HUGE Green Morey Eel that was attacking our guides water bottle.
So...a few more days of the Caye life....basically doing nothing all day...since the snorkle trip is over....then I'm home. I think I'm ready. I'll probably do another post....but who really knows?? Time here stands still.
Hasta luego!

We have monkeys!

So...there we were at 5 a.m. this morning on the top of 2500 year old Temple IV at Tikal..the capital of the Mayan empire...waiting for the sunrise and the jungle to awaken. The mist was too thick to see the sunrise...but, by God, the jungle sure woke with a ruckus! It was like one of those CDs with Jungle Sounds...but turned up to 11. Screeching parrots, toucans, and spider monkeys. Also, there was another, more ominous sound...kinda like a velociraptor, grizzly bear, lion and Darth Vader all in one. The roar just tore through everything else. The guide, Jose, explains that these are the Howler Monkeys...very aggressive...these are the ones that throw poop and tree branches at humans. Coooool, I thought, I would be honored to be thrown poop at by one of these angry simians.

I didnt get fouled by them...but I did see 3 of them in a tree ...and they let out the most horrific snarls I, or anyone will EVER hear! One of them climbed down a few branches towards us, causing a few people to shriek and run. It was pretty insane. The spider monkeys probably steer clear of these guys.

Well...Jamie (the British Bloke) just set down a cold Gallo Cerveza in front of me...I am going to jump in the pool and then take a nap. I have been up and out of the hotel since 4 a.m.! Tomorrow we go back to Belize and to a forest lodge for 3 days. I think my next post my be on Saturday after I return from a full day caving at the ATM Cave...no it doesnt have money flowing out of the walls...I already asked. ATM stands for some 3 word Mayan name that I dont have in front of me.

I have found a sauce that blows Tapatio away! Its called Mrs. Sharps...it is a carrot based, habanero sauce...SO hot...SO much flavor! Kevin (group leader) and I want to be US distributors for it. I am going to bring home as many bottles as I can so everyone can try it.

OK...keep those comments coming. Talk at you later! I can sleep well now that I finally saw monkeys!

What does it mean when your watch hands just spin all day?

OK..It's official...I just purchased my ticket on the 10 a.m. boat to the mainland metropolis of Belize City, or how the locals call it "Belize". So if THAT'S Belize...then my initial suspicions are correct...I am currently on some sort of otherworldly dimensional plane where time stands still and beast and man have developed some sort of treaty and work together to sustain their lives of doing absulutely nothing all day. It's a strange and wonderful place. But tomorrow it all ends. At least tomorrow I'll be able to find an internet cafe that has enough dogs running on the wheel generating bandwidth to post a dang picture of this odd realm known as Caye Caulker.
My blisters are getting better...I still hobble like a scurvey stricken sailor up and down the main street. All the local rastafarians on the corners selling crafts and "other curios" say to me as I drag my broken body past..."YeaaahBeegMan!DatHow U Walk der on dis 'ere islan Boyeeee!Heem a Nice an Slow...U dun gotitdown realnice!"...and they always follow with "Hey Beeg Man U need smoke?".
So I have no idea what wonders and oddities await me on the next step. But I must say...I am ready for some human interaction with a goal to reach and things to see...and a schedule. I have been hearing a lot of how awesome the ruins at Tikal are and the jungles of Flores....where, yes Holly, there are MONKEYS!! And I WILL get pictures. I am hoping to have one of my tourmates snap a pic of me engaged in fusticuffs with the King Howler Monkey atop a 2000 yr old pyramid..that was used in the filming of Star Wars. They filmed the rebel base at Tikal...before going and blowing up the Death Star. Sweeeet!
Get me off a dis sand strip! I'm starting to talk like dem local rude boyees...I think I feel dreads starting to poke out of my skull....

Today a shark fled from me....

Sorry about not having a pic to post tonight. My camera is back at my room down the beach and my feet are barking! I have huge blisters from all the walking....all....day....walking...when I'm not swimming or reading under a shady coconut tree. I am NOT going back there and THEN back here! I had planned on staying covered and out of the sun today due to my toasted skin. But that proved too hard for me...as I realized that the old man who owns my modest weatherbeaten hotel had coerced me, after a few rum punches (the local staple) up on the stairs outside my room last night, to hop on the back of his golf cart (carts & beach cruisers...that's all there is here) and he wisked me to his nephew's dive shop where I , apparently, signed myself up for a 10:30a.m. snorkle trip. I woke up with the strange feeling I had to do something...so after a breakfast of fruits and scrambled eggs....it hit me! It was 10a.m. and I knew they wanted me to get fitted for fins and a mask....but I had NO idea where the dive shop was...since it was dark and I was sitting facing backwards on the cart! I found the old timer and he showed me again and everything turned out AWESOME!
The boat captain and guide was a pretty local gal named, Vanessa. We walked to her boat which, conveniently was docked to a pier steps from my door. I had to ask....why I was the only person in the boat....but it turned out we stoped at 2 more piers and eventually had a motley crew of 8...people from Maine, Michigan, Canada, and 3 people who I couldn't figure out WHAT they were speaking...some kind of European mixed with Klingon or something. Vanessa took us out to the edge of the Barrier Reef in about 5 minutes...I really didn't think boats could haul THAT much ass! The first stop was the "Sout Channel"...I write "Sout" because that's how her Rasta-Creole said it. I was the first in the water because I wanted to see what was there because this obviously un-waterskilled & flipper challenged group was going to scare anything away when they flopped into the water. I immediately saw 2 fairly large barracuda (4 or 5 feet long) that were a little too close for a guy who JUST peeked underwater. Those fish just look pissed off all the time....very angry fish...very angry. I watched a dreadlocked fellow clean one of those fish yesterday on a pier....and MY GOD...the teeth!! Vanessa guided us along the deep drop-off wall of the reef. She had a long stick that she would point at stuff and we'd all pop up and she'd say what was. When she got into a poking frenzy with a HUGE Green Morey Eel that did not want to come out of his hole to greet us, that I figured I'd straggle to back of the pack and just check things out on my own.
The second stop was insane...utterly insane. It's called "Shark-Ray Alley". Yep. And they don't call it that because of a rock that's shaped like a shark...or because the sun's rays are stronger (although I think they are!). Vanessa threw some cut up fish in the water to get the rays to come say "Hi". Again I was the first in. Most people were pretty hesitant to make the plunge...including one fairly large woman who made it clear she planned to stay in the boat and shriek whenever she saw the large black shapes glide under the boat. But it was amazing...HUGE stingrays (with very large barbs on their tails...which could easily make any of us the next Steve Irwin!) came from every side. They rubbed against our legs...one biggie with a 4 foot wingspan glided right between my legs! There were some that were easily 6 feet across moving through the water so effortlessly, like they were flying. The were so soft and spongy feeling. I dove down and had 2 of them slide right by me on both sides. They were like dogs...you reach out and they come right up to you and let you pet them. So that was cool. After about 45min of that everyone got back in the boat for some pineapple and orange slices. Suddenly someone pointed towards the bow and Vanessa explained it was a shark. It was a big Nurse Shark (no...they don't have teeth! Don't get carried away!). She said it looked like it was 5 or 6 feet long. I grabbed my mask and fins and dove in after it. I wanted to see a shark, dammit! As far as I knew it was just "Ray Alley". So I went after it but couldn't see it so I'd pop up and everyone on the boat would point in a direction and I'd frantically kick towards it and pop up again and they'd all point....but I never caught up. The shark was not interested in being gawked at by me. I'll get over it soon. The rays were plenty exciting. After all THEY were the ones who could kill me...not some dumb old Nurse Shark.
The 3rd stop was "The Coral Garden"...which was exactly like what it would be like to be an extra in "Finding Nemo". I felt like I was in a huge aquarium...tons of colorful fish and big coral heads. We snorkled around for a while but were all pretty beat so it was time for Vanessa to throttle up....again....so fast. Now I see why they advise swimmers against swimming out to the reef edge...which I thought was a "stupid" rule and a "good thing to do tomorrow"....until saw the light. Speaking of lights....guess what the boat skippers DON'T use when their racing across the water at night? Ye-e-e-a-h...
So I went back to my "barrack" and passed out for a couple hours. Then I walked into the heart of the village to my favorite little restaurant "The Sea & Cafe", where I have become quite good friends with the kid who is the waiter. His family runs it. Tonight I had the "Pollo Loco"..which was delicious a-a-a-and spicy! Just how I like it! On the way out he asked how it was....I said "Muy Loco!", gave him a slap on the back and disappeared into the darkness....well...not really darkness....IF by "darkness" you imagine the Internet Cafe across the road....then yes...
Adios! Hasta manana...I'll have a photo for you. Hmmmm....but of what?

What to do all day?

Okay...enough already! I have only been here 2 full days...and I'm already bored! There's nothing to do but eat, sleep and sit on the beach...unless you want to spend a bunch of $$ taking dive trips or boat rides out to see manatees and stuff. I must've walked miles today just doing laps up the beach and then cut over a block to the main drag and walk down it and then go aother block in and back up. I'm just not used to the whole "laid back" thing yet. I am going to check out of my hotel tomorrow and take the water taxi over to Caye Caulker for the next 5 days. I hear it is MORE laid back over there. So...I need to get lessons on how to be laid back to the point of being comatose. I really can't imagine being MORE laid back. I have been switching between napping, swimming, reading in the shade and lounging on the beach....not nessesarily in that order. I usually hang out with a Canadian couple on the beach. I tease them relentlessly when they say "aboot" and "Going ooot to eat". They work on an oil field in the far northern part of the Northwestern Territories...where they only get 4 hours of sunlight a day! I also had dinner these last 2 nights with 2 18 yr old high school seniors from Ventura...they are very cool kids...mature, polite and talkative. They are like the poster kids for "All American SoCal Pinup Couple"...The boy (I am bad with remembering names!) is an Offensive Tackle for a powerhouse football program. He is 6'3", 225 lbs, super buff, debating whether to take his scholorship offers from Cal Poly or Redlands...She is right out of some MTV reality show, waify thin with blinging diamods in her ears and her mom's credit card constantly in hand. Strangely...he has a girlfriend and she has a boyfriend back home, who both were "fine" with them coming to Belize together...yeah...soooo...I'm not really sure how they swung that.

Last night I got a little too mixed up with some shady local rasta kids...and ended up breaking up a fight between one of them and a bartender. They showed me around and of course tried their best to sell me assorted drugs and whatnot. I think they expected to get money out of me or something...they ended up disappointed at the end of the night...but HEY, they got to hang out with ME all night...so I'd say they got a great deal. We were sitting on a picnic table at a little park on the beach under the full moon when I looked at my watch and saw it was almost 3am...so I bid them farewell and retired to my little cave at Ruby's Hotel. Of course when asked throughout the evening where I was staying I would give the name of a hotel further up the beach. I even gave them a fake name...as I am SURE they did to me. They were nice guys...but they are proffessionals here. They see a hundred guys like me and try to hustle them. I held my own against them and was ju-u-u-ust aggressive enough physically with them enough to where I felt secure that they weren't going to try to rob me or anything...you know....like suprise headlocks and chest bumps and other acts of "Alpha Male-ism". The biggest of them wasn't more than 140 lbs...so I threw my weight around just so there weren't any crazy ideas. It was a lot of fun. I saw them today during my walks and they all hollered at me from the corner..."Hey Big Man!".

Yes....here I am "Big Man"...gre-e-e-e-at....

Keep those comments coming! I love 'em.

The next post will be from Caye Caulker....farewell Ambergris Caye!

I made it!

After delays, seat mix ups, broken planes in Houston, gate changes, etc. I made it to Ambergris Caye. The 15 minute flight from Belize City was one I will never forget. 10 of us packed in a single prop Cessna that took off SIDEWAYS due to the howling winds. My knees were actually digging into the co-pilot's back. But there were unbelievable views of the barrier reef edge. It is the 2nd largest barrier reef in the world after Australia's.

I touched down around 5:30 (no daylight savings here...so I'm just 1 hour later than you guys)...sideways again...on the tiny sandy runway surrounded by mangrove swamps and people riding their bikes and walking dogs accross the runway between planes landing. I wandered the streets for a while taking in the area and fending off the aggressive drug & women dealers who also double as hotel & restaraunt hustlers. I found my modest guest house and took a load off and found some dinner at a nearby restaraunt. I eventually ended up at the end of a long pier in an open-air bar called "The Tackle Box" with blowing onshore winds and a beautiful full moon. I met a few guys from Seattle, one of whom lives in Belize with his Mexican GF six months out of the year. We hung out and drank Belikans (Belizean beers) for a while. We then walked up the beach a ways to a place called "Crazy Canucks" where there was a reggae band...but after an hour we were ready to call it a night.

My room is right over the main street...so at 6am it get's loud and the aromas of the restaraunts cooking up breakfast gets too much to sleep through. I found a dive shop who lent me a mask and snorkle for a morning swim out off the longest pier off of a super ritzy resort, past the evergrowing eel grass that surrounds the island making swimming from the beaches unpleasant. There were tons of colorful fish and reef bits out there. Afterwards, while drying out, I met 4 British military lads on leave from their post outside Belize City. 3 Royal Marines and a RAF pilot. After chatting about how lame Bush and Blair are and other political rantings. We started jumping off the palapa roof into the water but the security guard for the resort that owned the pier came down and spoiled our fun...actually kicked the Brits off the pier. Luckily he didn't know I was a co-conspirator with them...so I got to snorkle around a bit more. Then some cracjheads showed up and I didn't feel my sunglasses and things were safe on the pier anymore...so I bailed.

I got a bottle of the local rum and some Diet Cokes and read Noah Levine's "Dharma Punx" up on the rooftop deck of my guesthouse...until I decided to come here, to the internet cafe, and write down my adventures so far. I'm off to the beach...or the roof again! Lates!

Ready For The Jungle!

Packed and ready...with my faux "official" jungle garb...I look like some redneck mercenary or something. I'm kinda digging the whole DESERT camo for the JUNGLE...but...that's my little statement about how silly the war is...or something....ahhh they just looked cool...and they were the last pair in my size...36 "Short"...yep...I have to get the short fatigues. What's up with that? Are soldiers all 6'4" and higher?

4 a.m. is going to come TOO fast. Plane takes off from SFO at 7:40. I should be on Ambergris Caye around 5 p.m. CST.

I hear there is an Internet Cafe near the hotel I will be at for the first 3 nights...after that I know NOTHING! I will try to keep posting as much as I can...but there will be many days at a time when I will be deep in the jungle with no Internet access...unless there's some sort of tree-top cafe or casino run by monkeys. I'm hoping there is! You can BET I will post pics of it!